On Pickled Jalapeños and Pimiento Cheese

As a southern cook, I am required to be able to make certain foods – fried chicken, biscuits, corn bread, etc. Pimiento cheese falls into that category. There are people in this world who think that pimiento cheese is a comfort food and should taste primarily of mayonnaise – insipid and creamy. I am not counted among them, as the title of this post should perhaps indicate. No, I like my pimiento cheese to be challenging and strongly flavored.

I start with vinegar and salt and pepper. I start by making an apple cider vinegar reduction – I pour 3 or 4 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar into a small saucepan, toss in some salt and pepper and reduce it to about half its starting volume, then let it cool. Then, using the meat grinder attachment of my KitchenAid mixer, I grind undrained pimientos and extra sharp cheddar cheese. Yes, you can use a food processor for this step, but you just don’t get the right texture. It’s like eating hamburger that’s been ground in the food processor – it’s okay, but it’s just not right. You really need a meat grinder.

I used to have a big metal meat grinder that clamped onto the kitchen counter. I have no idea what happened to it – I must have lost it in a move at some point. It did a great job and it was a lot of fun to use. But the KitchenAid grinder attachment does a great job and it’s a lot easier. You just don’t get that same connection to the work, though.

Once the cheese and pimiento have been through the grinder, I pour in the vinegar reduction. That and the undrained pimiento juice help mix everything together. Then I add just enough mayonnaise to bind it all together. This is the point where individual taste comes into play. Put as much or as little mayonnaise in as you like. Taste it. If you want creamy and bland, put in a lot of mayonnaise. You can also use mild cheddar. If you want strong flavored, put in less and use a sharp or extra sharp cheddar. My preference is extra sharp cheddar and as little mayonnaise as possible.

So where do the pickled jalapeños enter the picture? My very favorite thing to do with pimiento cheese is to put it on a saltine cracker and top it with a pickled jalapeño ring. And where do I get them? Why, I pickle them myself, of course. Oh, yeah, that’s the other thing good southern cooks are expected to be able to do. We’re expected to be able to put things up. Jams and jellies, pickles – if it can go in a Mason jar, we’re supposed to know how to put it there and keep it from spoiling.

I actually don’t can much, not because I don’t like canning – I find it a lot of fun to do – but because I never eat anything I preserve. Except jalapeños, which grow very well around here. We grew them one year and I canned enough of them to last for five or six years.

The basic process for pickling jalapeños is this. Take very fresh jalapeños, wash them and let then drain dry. Slice them into rings, discarding the stems. Pack them into clean, sterilized canning jars. Pour boiling brine over them. Cover them with sterilized canning lids. Screw on the lids and let them seal.

Now, what does all that mean?

Clean, sterilized canning jars: Use jars that are designed to be used by home canners. Go to the grocery store or to Target or Roses or Wal-Mart and buy canning jars. Don’t use old mayonnaise jars or anything else like that unless you want to end up with botulism. Just don’t do it. I don’t care if your aunt or your sister or your grandmother always did it. They’re lucky they’re not dead. Just go buy canning jars. Do it. Now. Don’t argue with me – you should know better than that.

For jalapeños, half pint jars (8 ounces, or one cup) are a good size. You can only eat so many of these things at one sitting. Put them in anything larger and they’ll go bad in the refrigerator waiting to be eaten.

Before you can, wash the jars very well in very hot, soapy water. Running them through the dishwasher is best, but if you don’t have a dishwasher, wash them by hand in the hottest water you can stand. Rinse them in equally hot water. Put them in a large stockpot or a canner in water to cover and bring the water to a boil. Boil the jars for at least 10 minutes. You can then reduce the boil to a simmer. Leave the jars in the water until you are ready to fill them with the jalapeños and the brine.

So what is a brine? In pickling, a brine is a salty and/or acidic liquid which can also contain herbs or spices which will preserve the food. Both salt and acid provide an environment which is inhospitable to organisms which can cause food to spoil and cause illnesses in humans, such as botulism. The brine that I use for pickling jalapeños, which can be used for pickling all sorts of other things, is:

1 quart vinegar
3 quarts water
3/4 cup pickling salt

This is a pretty plain brine. If I were going to make cucumber pickles, I’d use something with a little more flavor to it. But since jalapeños bring plenty of flavor of their own, it works nicely for them.

So we have the sliced jalapeños, we have the sterile jars, and we have the brine ingredients (which we are going to combine and bring to a boil). We pack the sliced jalapeños tightly into the jars, and pour in the boiling brine. Then we top the jars with the lids.

The what? Canning jars come with two part lids. There is a flat lid that fits on top of the jar and a screw-top ring that holds the lid in place. The flat lid has a gasket that insures that the lid will adhere to the jar and form a seal. The screw-top ring holds the lid in place until the seal forms. As the contents of the jar cool, they contract in size, forming a vacuum, which strengthens the seal. Once the seal is formed, you can remove the screw-top ring and the seal will continue to hold.

So once you have put the jalapeño slices in the jar, poured in the brine, placed the lid on the jar, and screwed on the ring, move the jar to an out of the way place and let it sit to cool. The lids all have a dimple that points up at first, but it will pop down as the contents contract. Part of the fun of canning is hearing the dimple pop down. That’s one way you can tell that each jar has sealed. Any jar that still has the dimple pointing up has probably not sealed and needs to be refrigerated and used fairly soon. And if you have any doubts, you can test a jar that has cooled. Remove the ring and see if the lid is loose. If it is, store it in the refrigerator and eat it soon. If you can’t move the lid, you should be okay.

Store the sealed jars in a cool, dry place. This is what basements are made for. If, after time, you notice any discoloration, or, heaven forbid, you see mold, discard the jar unopened. Don’t take any chances. If you open a jar and it doesn’t smell right, throw it out. In all the years that I have canned things, I’ve never had anything go bad. But I’m very careful about making sure jars and lids are sterile, and I don’t take any chances. If you want to try canning, do, but read up on it and be careful. Like so many things in cooking, it’s not hard, but you do need to do each step correctly. If you do, you’ll be rewarded.

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